is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
