i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My cat gives me a boner
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
