I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
