If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
