he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
