No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
