The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dude. I can hear the air.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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