bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
