You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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