Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
