dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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