worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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