Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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