The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So many bounce houses so little time
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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