im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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