her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
