I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
