who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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