There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
