We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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