Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
