2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
