Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dicks are not precious.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
