We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
