after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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