I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
