apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize