no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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