She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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