I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
