unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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