Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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