Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
