And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
