Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
