There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
that's an acceptable place to lick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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