I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
