I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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