she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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