i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
