john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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