I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
