Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
