Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
