Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
