The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize