I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
