it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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