As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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