fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
