i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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