My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
