I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
