Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
