What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Soap is not a condiment
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
