is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
