I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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