Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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