please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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