It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
