So drunk its hurt
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
