mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
