How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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