I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
