a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
