I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
