we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
