I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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