I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
